Boston? Maybe Not.

Well, once again, life decided to throw a boulder at our family. Regan found out that his liver fibrosis has progressed to a dangerous level. The doctor told him that he has to lose weight now, or it's a matter of life or death in the next 5-10 years. So he is working really hard on eating well and exercising. Then another blood test came back that showed that somehow Regan contracted hepatitis! We are supposed to leave to Boston in one week for Regan to sell APX Alarm Systems for the summer. The treatment for hepatitis is bed rest, so we thought we could no longer go. My wonderful family fasted and prayed immediately, and the Lord blessed us. We were called from the doctor and were told that his bad liver gave a false reading for the hepatitis, and that he doesn't have hepatitis! It was a scary week.

But it wasn't over yet. I have been in and out of the doctor for at least 6 months for sore throats. I was told when I was younger that I had tonsillitis, but that I may grow out of it. I guess I didn't. Today I woke up with tonsils twice their size and all white and pussy (sorry for the disgusting details). I can't swallow and I'm in so much pain all over my body I can barely stand it. I was lucky enough to already have an ENT appointment set up for today, so I went to the doc. Sure enough, he said my tonsils were awful and need to be taken out asap. We are supposed to drive out to Boston on Tuesday. My ENT won't do the surgery until I am well from the current infection. Then after the surgery he wants me to stay in Utah for 2 weeks to be sure no complications will arise (such as blood entering my lungs and kidneys). He said with how awful my tonsils look, it was most likely be a very painful recovery and that I need to start preparing mentally now. Oh, and Cole has an ear infection and a temp of 103.

So I guess Regan is driving out to Boston without Cole and I. We will fly out as soon as this whole thing passes. This is so frustrating to say the least. I know that I have so much to be grateful for. But I need a break. I'm so tired. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of having the tiniest bit of hope left and then getting that hope thrown to the ground. Again. I'm trying so hard to have faith that things will eventually get better for us. But it's been eight years of grabbing onto a cliff with my nails, and I just don't know how much longer I can take it. I thought once we treated the Lyme Disease I would get better. But new things keep coming again, and again, and again. It's hard to remember what it feels like to not be sick.

But I have learned a lot along the road. Most importantly, that my family means everything to me. They have been there through it all and have carried me through most of it. I have the most wonderful husband in the world. He is perfect for me. He has shown compassion for me from the start, and never gives up on loving me (which I guarantee must be hard with how much I complain!!). My son keeps me laughing, and gives me something to look forward to every day. He knows when I hurt and cuddles with me and gives me "kisses and loves" so that "honey" will feel better. He shouldn't have to see his mommy cry so much. He's only two. But I know he is an angel sent straight from heaven to help me. I'm also so grateful for my mom and Mel, who have helped me through every single day when Regan couldn't be there. Mel is like Cole's second mom, and has been my best friend through my tough struggles. My mom will never know how much she means to me. I cannot describe it. She puts her life on hold for me every day. She even gave up a trip to Europe with my dad to stay home to be with me for my surgery. She is so self-sacrificing, and has helped me to understand the Savior through her example. I hope to one day be there for the people whom have helped me so much through these tough times.