LYME DISEASE

I realized that I invited a bunch of you friends to see my blog, and I realized it may be a bit confusing. I'll briefly explain. 3 weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. We figure I got bit by a deer tick on my mission in Boston 7 years ago! It entered my blood stream and has been the cause of a lot of pain over the years. But I am so grateful to finally have a diagnosis! I knew there was something wrong all of this time, but it seemed like the doctors just had no idea what was going on. But I was led to a great specialist in Salt Lake City who was able to find the illness in my bloodwork. So now it is a matter of taking a lot of antibiotics that make me nice and sick, and we hope to be rid of the main symptoms in 3 to 6 months! The next months may be Hell, but it will be so worth it in the end! What a miracle. I am very hopeful. I hope everyone else is healthy and happy. Please let me know how you are doing. I miss everyone!!

Happy Halloween!!

Mel and I took some pictures of our terrible two-some, Cole and Jack. These kids are going to be trouble!! But they are so much fun. It's hilarious watching them chase each other around, push each other over, and giggle. We know they are going to always be great friends. I love Halloween! I always have. I used to throw a Halloween party every year from Jr. High until a few years ago. I wanted to throw one this year, but I just thought it would be too hard with the illness and all. But I still love getting out in the fall air and picking out pumpkins. It's been beautiful this week in Utah. I am so blessed!!

Baby Cole

Cole is at such a fun stage right now!! He has taken a few steps on his own, and he never ceases to make us laugh. I'm going to attach a few funny videos. The first one is a total classic. His Grandpa Stu makes a loud funny sound that scares all of the grandkids. But it usually doesn't scare Cole. He loves it. He used to clap every time Stu would make the noise. Well, on this particular occasion, Cole was really tired. Stu came over and made the sound and it totally scared Cole! It's so funny to watch his chub wiggle!


The second video is of Cole doing a little dance. He dances every time there is music playing. Or in this case, without any music at all! It is so fun being a mom!!

-Ash

Better Days Ahead

Yesterday I wanted to climb a mountain and paint the town red!! (whatever that phrase means) The doctor felt that the many antibiotics were just too much for my body, so he gave me a "pill holiday" to lift my spirits. And it did! It definitely did. I know I have so long to go to rid myself and my family of this Lyme Disease, but I have learned so much already. Before I was diagnosed with Lyme, I didn't think life could get any worse. I was always in so much pain and exhaustion, that I didn't know how to care for my husband and baby boy. I couldn't figure out how to be happy with the life that I had been given. I knew I had so many blessings, but it was so hard to see those blessings when all the pain was in the way. This year has been no stranger to suffering in my little family. But then I started taking over 30 pills a day for Lyme Disease. The pills made me more sick than I could have ever imagined. I thought I was tougher than I am!! I thought, "3 months of treatments? No problem!!" But after one week of the treatment, it was already more than I could bare.

So I get a pill holiday! Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I woke up with a migraine, I was nauseous, and sore from the penicillin shot the night before. But I was so dang happy I could barely stand it! No pain I felt yesterday could compare to last week, and I was just happy to not be in that same state. Although the pill holiday was only one day, I am so grateful for the break. Plus now Dr. Whitaker is starting me up slowly on the antibiotics so we may be able to figure out which ones are making me so sick. This gives me more hope.

I have been reading a book that belonged to my husband's late Grandmother England. It is called "Finding Peace, Happiness, and Joy" by Richard G. Scott. There have been many spiritual insights that have helped so much in the last few days. I thought I would share one. Lately I have really struggled with having faith I Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have been taught my whole life that if you have enough faith in them, that anything is possible. I've tried so hard over the last 6 years to have that faith. The faith for me to get better, or to at least be able to live with my illness. I used to be untouchable with energy and excitement for life. But that love of life quickly dwindled with my diagnosis 6 years ago with Fibromyalgia. No matter how much faith I tried to have, it was never enough. I thought God didn't love me, or that I just didn't have enough faith. Then, a few days ago, I read in this book by Elder G. Scott.

He said, " Your Heavenly Father's invitation to 'ask, and ye shall receive' does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by an all-knowing Father who loves you perfectly and who wants your eternal happiness even more than you do."

How could I be so stupid? I have known it all along, but Elder Scott said it so perfectly that it spoke right to my heart. I have had many prayers over the years, and tried many different approaches to my "illness problem." I have asked God to take my illness away, to help me have the strength to deal with it, and to make me happy in spite of it. But never have I truly humbled myself to trust that He actually knows what I need more than I do. Not only does He know more than me about what I need, but He actually wants me to be happy more than I do! No matter how much searching I do on the internet, or doctors I see, or medical testing I have done will ever compare to the expansive knowledge of my Heavenly Father. He knows exactly what I need. I still don't know what that is, but I'm trying hard to have the faith that my Heavenly Father does. This illness may not go away anytime soon. But I must have the faith that, as Elder Scott puts it, God "would not require [me] to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for [my] personal benefit or that of those [I] love."

I am so grateful for this enlightenment. And I know it would have never come if I didn't stop making excuses for my spiritual growth and actually pick up this book by Elder Scott. The gospel of Jesus Christ is there to help us in our times of need. We don't know everything. But God does. He wants to help us, but we have to let Him.

Love, Ashley

Why oh Why a Migraine!!!

Today has not been the best of days! While recovering from the mistake of trying the pain patch yesterday, I got a migraine. It's hard enough to deal with this nausea that I feel and the pain that my body is in from the meds, but to deal with a migraine on top of that is more than I can take. I spent some time with Regan crying in his arms. It's nice to have someone to go through this with. Anyway, I am hoping to feel better later. I really need hope right now so if anyone has any pointers let me know!

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